Fuckin America: Fantasy Wins Out Over Reality

I have fallen and fallen hard. He's amazing, tall, talented, and intense. I love how my stomach dances when I find him glancing at me. How my heart races when he places his hand on my shoulder as he talks excitedly about music, a friend, what he just ate, everything; his passion for life and for me. I have become his favorite instrument to strum. Oh and did I mention he only exists in my head? He visits me at night when I close my eyes, or when I find my mind wondering during the day. I'm perfectly content with this fictional relationship. I have found that I'm not interested in the reality version of man. Reality men I have no desire to waste my time on. I'm disgusted at how men approach me, and the foul words they vomit from their lips. What ever happened to real conversations, oh yeah, they were replaced with idiotic pick up lines that NEVER work. Reality men stopped trying to get in my head to see how I ticked and started heading straight for my pants. No thank you. Been there done that, didn't work for me. In fact it backfired.  I've been hit on in parks, grocery stores, bookstores, even driving, and of course bars. In my pursuit for relationship happiness, yes I did indeed end up in a few beds. Each time I became a little more hostile toward the poor bastard, and now I loathe the thought of having some ass hole near me let alone inside me. I shudder to think of it. I think I'm on the right path of figuring out why I have all this hostility. At first I thought it might be that I was playing for the wrong team, then I thought to myself, 'Self women hold no interest for me sexually'. I appreciate the beauty of my gender, often commenting on it, just not my cup of tea in my pursuit of sexual happiness. Then to my horror I found I didn't enjoy or even care for sex anymore. I thought something was broken inside. I then realized the problem wasn't the sex itself (well sometimes it was); the problem is me, I have evolved. I want someone to take the time to get to know me, and me him. Wanted: a relationship based on intellect and passion, a chance for some sexual tension. I personally have never experienced sexual tension, I think I would like to. I will never again end up in some one's bed, couch, floor, bathroom (you get the picture), unless I feel they are worthy of me and I of them. Meaningful love, that's what I and I'm sure countless others are after. Don't get me wrong if you have a 'friend' that is there to appease your sexual appetite, good for you. I have moved past this and am bored with it. Well, meaningful fun relationship is what I have going on in fantasy land. I don't think I want to return to Reality men, for at present in my eyes they are such overrated, annoying, whiny, and vile creatures. I'm perfectly happy with the man living in my head. He and I get along famously, are both witty and wise, and I'm glad of that for I don't think in reality I'll ever get over my opinion that men are vile sexual predators, just waiting to puce on their next victim. I know, I know, not ALL men are like that, just the one's interested in me. I hope to one day be pleasantly surprised and come across someone that isn't afraid of me, can stand up to me without all the macho bullshit, and be interested in me for my thoughts and ideas, not for what protrudes above my rub cage, nor for what is between my legs. I know I don't stand-alone in the belief that it seems that everything men do is sexually driven. The proof is everywhere, from bad sitcoms where the hubby does something right and the wife rewards him with sex, to actual rules of the game and books on how to get laid (thanks Neil Strauss). Oh and don't get me started on my gender and the stupid games I've seen them play and how they use sex, not their minds to get what and where they want. I know women can be just as vile, and so much more, which is another reason for me to not switch teams. Sex shouldn't be a Power play, well unless you're roll playing if that's what you're into. Hey, whom am I to judge what you do behind close doors? I admit to being a voyeur. Really, I blame our society that pushes sex on us at an early age on TV, in movies, magazines (sex sells), as it also brainwashes us to believe sex is dirty and we should be ashamed of bodies. Fuckin America- pun intended. Until the day that I am pleasantly surprised, I'll stick with the man living in my head. Fantasy wins out over reality. Rant over. Amen.

ALI

Currently listening to: Ghostland Observatory- Edge of Town