Dreams. It’s funny how the subconscious takes over to help you out in both the dream world and the conscious one. Have you ever loathed your life so much, wait backtrack, not loathed your life, loathed where you are in life, that you honestly have no clue how to better it? You feel you have exhausted the few options you had? Then you have to turn around and tell yourself, stop it, followed by the old cliché that there are people out there worse off then you? That’s pretty much where I am. This dream woke me up, consciously as well as subconsciously. Anyone that knows me will tell you that this is not the first time my subconscious has taken over to bring back the artist in me. Enough chitchat, let us get to the meat of the story then dissection will promptly follow.
I am awoken by his kiss. I open my sleepy eyes and find him inches from my face smiling at me. I smile back, enjoying the warmth of his embrace. It is the little things that I love and this is one of those little things. He kisses the tip of my nose and that small gesture speaks volumes of his love for me. Shelby and I have known one another since high school; both lived other lives of marriage and kids and somehow ended up here together a perfect match. I half close my eyes and notice him pull something from under the covers.
He kisses my ear and looks into my half closed eyes and asks: “Will you marry me?” A flood of wonderful emotions, some of which I have never felt, fall over me creating this feeling I can only describe as a blanket feeling, warm and comforting. The best I have felt in a very long time as I watch him open the little navy blue velvet box.
I look back into his hazel eyes, smile a sleepy content smile and say:
“Yes.” He tightens his arms about me and we kiss; a disgusting morning breath soaked, fuzzy teeth covered kiss, and I love it. He somehow slips the ring on my finger as I continue to gaze at him. I am in awe at how much he loves me and I him. I cannot wait to call Carrie and let her know our news.
I blink and find myself in some overpriced store with a girlfriend, who is attempting to talk me into registering our wedding. I am very uncomfortable in here. I listen as she goes on and on about all the expensive bowls and such crap and I focus on a set a dishes that my eyes land on. They are the exact set my Ex Mother-In-Law owns. I find myself asking: “Is this somehow significant?”
I conclude it is not when my friend interrupts my thoughts.
“Hello! Are you even paying attention to me?”
“Yes, sorry what did you say?”
“I was saying how great this would look on my wall. I have a birthday coming up, hint-hint.” I look at her, the item she is pointing at, then all the insignificant material items surrounding she and I. I begin to feel closed in. Shelby and I already have enough things to fill a house. All we need is each other and the kids. The kids, his and mine; this brings another smile to my face.
“ OMG Alicia, you HAVE to have this!” She turns to me with some item that I have no idea what it could be.
I look down at the very unusual ring on my finger and state: “ Actually, Shelby and I already have everything we need. I think I would prefer if anyone that wants to get us a gift give to a charity of their choice.” I am VERY pleased that this thought has occurred to me and believe Shelby will agree wholeheartedly.
My friend follows my gaze to the ring. She non-to gently grabs my hand to have a closer inspection of my ring.
“What is this anyway? It’s kind of ugly, but of course you pull it off beautifully.”
I retrieve my hand and wonder why she and I are friends as I reply: “It’s hand blown glass that wraps around to perfectly fit my finger with some beautiful stone set inside.”
A feeling of perfect contentment that my life is finally on the right path pours over and through me along with countless other emotions seemingly giving me my own personal Kinetic energy that I want to share with everyone, including my negative friend. As I turn to tell her this, my violently vibrating phone rips me from my dream.
Dissection time! This dream is odd and beautiful all the way around, from what it is about and who is in it, to my thoughts and actions. Shelby was a very dear friend of mine many moons ago. He, Carrie, and I were inseparable for a time in the latter part of the Nineties. Then, he met someone, fell in love, married, and drifted from Carrie and I. That’s life, it happens. He is happily married with three children. I find it odd, yet strangely comforting that my subconscious chose him for the lead here. Carrie is real. She is, has been, and will continue to be my best friend. We are exact opposites in almost every way yet somehow it works. We balance each other, Yen and Yang. The subconscious has ways of bringing to light situations that I didn’t know bothered me. Case in point, though I have been married, I have never been proposed to. I didn’t know that I longed for that missing event. Longed to know what it felt like to have someone love you enough to muster up the courage to ask you to be with him or her forever. The fact that I had never, and most likely will never experience this was brought to my attention via a dream. My subconscious once again has come to my rescue.
As I stated before this is not the first time my subconscious has saved me from myself. It is no surprise that it (subconscious) allowed me to experience something I didn’t know I wanted. I love that in the dream the love was pure and untainted. I love that I am a good person and not materialistic and this dream helped to bring me back to that realization. I know nor care nothing about the value of cars. I care what they do to the environment and if I can get from point A to point B without breaking down; In the car that is- not me, myself, having a breakdown. Oh shit, did I just have a break through? Nah- just a brain fart. Yes I want a comfortable home, but not to spend all my time buying to make it so. I am a sentimental type gal. Focus on the Mental! I jest, sort of. As I was saying, the ring is so exactly something I would want, something personal, out of the norm and thoughtful. Better than diamonds any day! The negative friend was someone made up by my subconscious. I do not know this person. I like how I handle her though, and then the idea to give to a charity instead of buying us something; well I think that is what I liked best about myself. The glass ring, a little Cinderella of me maybe.
I believe there is nothing wrong with the hopeful romantic taking back control over the cynic. I hope this is so. In the end, all I know is that I am writing again. Though this may be complete and total shit, it has me writing again! Writer’s block gone for the moment and I feel great! Wait can you get writer’s block if you never wrote on a consistent basis? Does this make you not a writer? Fuck it, art is what you make of it and today I claim the title of Writer. Deal with it and try to spread some positive energy today. We live in a World where people empathize more with the negatives in life, let’s change that. Please for the sake of all our conscious and subconscious minds!Amen.
Currently listening to: Mushaboom by Feist
