Horribly Great Pick Up Lines

This is a new segment I've decided to share with the world. My dear friend A and I have this thing we do- see who can come up with the most horrendous, disgustingly beautiful Pick Up Lines. This isn't so much as a One Up scenario as, the material just comes to us. It is to good not too share. He and I are naturally disturbed yet perfectly functioning people. This is how we bond and keep the friendship alive. This man has seen a head trying to escape my lady cave and despite this having scarred him for life, he still calls me friend. Good times. I will post new Horribly Great Pick Up Lines periodically.

WARNING: Only like minded people should continue to read as the material is VERY OFFENSIVE. I repeat in order to survive these Pick Up Lines, you should have a dark, sick and twisted sense of humor. It's true in that some things you just can't un-see. Once you have read any of these, they become permanently etched into your retinas. There, you have been warned. Now on to the Art Form that is Horribly Great Pick Up Lines....

1. "Baby, may I borrow your man stump to plug the leak of cooter drool your presence has invoked?" By ME. Amen.
Currently listening to: I feel it All by Feist

2. "You’re an idiot, I have the cure: I’m going to fuck the idiot out of you. Gent’s choice, ladies' or men’s room, you dirty cunt of a man?" By ME. Amen.
Currently listenting to: Fuck the Pain Away by Peaches

3. "My meat curtains are in need of a rod." By ME. Amen.
Currently listening to: I'm Sleeping In A Submarine by Arcade Fire

4. "I have an innie (Lady cave). You have an outie (Man stump). Wanna fuck?" By ME. Amen.
Currently listening to: Twilight by Elliott Smith

5. "You're so hot I'd cut your goddamn head off." By A. Amen. POSTED 1/23/11
Currently listening to : Clowns (Took My Baby Away) by The Fresh & Onlys

6. "Do you smoke? I do after sex cause of the friction." By A. Amen. POSTED 1/23/11
Currently listening to: Pipedown by Babyshambles

7. "Ever seen a gal cum in chunks? Want to?" By ME. Amen. POSTED 1/23/11
Currently listening to: The Night by DNR

8. "I want to pole dance you so hard. By pole I mean your dick. By dance I mean fuck." By ME. Amen. POSTED 1/23/11
Currently listening to: The Loneliness And The Scream by Frightened Rabbit

9. "Do you like vinegar on your fish & chips? Yes?! Then you're going to love my squeaky clean pickled pink taco!" By ME. Amen POSTED 1/26/11 Currently listening to: Loud Pipes by Ratatat

10. "My octopussy is running low. Wanna give me a refill with your Man Ink?" Amen. POSTED 1/29/11
Currently listening to: Freak Out by Liars.

11. "You look like you could make me cum so hard I put Old Faithful out of business." By ME. Amen POSTED 2/1/11
Currently listening to: Kisses Over Babylon by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

12. "I want to play air guitar with your naked body using your penis as the whammy." By ME. Amen. POSTED 2/2/11
Currently listening to: Faded From the Winter by Iron & Wine

13. "Been a while since my vag had company. You can dust her off, give her a nice spit shine & close the deal by buffing her to her old pink self with your flavor saver." by ME. Amen. POSTED 2/2/11 Currently listening to: All I Want Is You by Tristan Prettyman.

14. "Hey porn stache, mind if my twat nipple jumps on that tickler?" By ME. Amen. POSTED 2/1/11 Currently listening to: Graveyard Girl by M83.

15. "I am an elevator, if you push my button I'll go down." By ME. Amen. POSTED 2/7/11 Currently listening to: High Low by Michael Franti & Spearhead

16. "You ever been sucked dry?" By ME. Amen. POSTED 2/7/11 Currently listening to: Zebra by John Butler Trio

17. "Did you hear that? You just made my crotch drip." By ME. Amen. POSTED 2/7/11 Currently listening to: Give It To You by G. Love.

18. "I would like to place an order for a tossed salad with a side of your Man Ranch." By ME. Amen. POSTED 2/7/11 Currently listening to: Kiss With A Fist By Florence + The Machine

19. From Man to Little Person: "Hi, I'm Charlie. I have some self tanner we can put all over you back at my place then you can visit my Chocolate Factory." By ME. Amen. POSTED 2/14/11 Currently listening to: Happy Valentine's Day by Outkast

20. From Woman to Little Person: "Want to go spelunking?" By ME. Amen. POSTED 2/14/11. Currently listening to: Citizen by Broken Bells

21. Man to Little Woman: "Wanna play helicopter?" By ME. Amen. POSTED 2/14/11. Currently listening to: Karma Police by Radiohead.

22. "Twinkies are gross. Bet you're sweeter and easier to suck the cream filling out of." By ME. Amen. POSTED 4/6/11. Currently listening to: Up From Below by Edward Sharp and The Magnetic Zeros.